Humble Pie

I've been realizing lately (and most noticeably at Mass last night, when I had to go in my work uniform) that I like to let people know that I work at Disney World. I mean yes, sometimes it legitimately comes up in conversation with people at the parks or randomly around town. But other times, I go places in my Disney Parks shirt after work or hold my ID unnecessarily... it's getting to the point where I sometimes think to myself, "why did I just say that?" 

I was coming home from work this morning and I heard the song "Do Everything" by Stephen Curtis Chapman on the radio... if you've never heard it, I'll wait a second while you listen. 


Okay. 
One line in particular stood out to me: "maybe you're that guy with the suit and tie, maybe your shirt says your name; you may be hooking up mergers or cooking up burgers..." 

It hit me particularly because of news I got last week- I'm getting deployed from Blizzard Beach. The other water park is closing for refurbishment, so their full time workers are coming to Blizzard, and all the college programmers are being sent out to other places around Disney. I got assigned to Epcot to work custodial. All of a sudden, I got really quiet about telling people that I work at Disney, or more specifically telling them what I'm going to be doing (that's what I get for praying the litany of humility!) I was embarrassed. I was disappointed. I was hiding the truth. I was VERY upset. But the more I think about it, the more I'm looking forward to it. First, I'm a very neat and organized person; I have no problem picking up trash and making sure everything is in its place. Second, not many people get the chance to work two different jobs on their college programs- I'll get to meet twice as many people and have twice as many new experiences. Third, I will probably learn something that I will use later in life, whether about cleaning or organizing or whatever. 

I know it sounds like I'm trying to talk myself into liking it, and I kind of still am. But in reality, it's still a job, and I'm blessed to have the opportunity to work. I'll get to talk to a lot of guests and help them out. Like the song says, it doesn't matter what I'm doing. God (and many guests) will appreciate the work that I do, because it glorifies Him. As long as I remember that, I'm going to be just fine. 


AND the weather today is beautiful. That in itself is something to be thankful for. 
Don't forget to tell your family and friends you love them! Today is a gift- don't take it for granted. 

Peace & Prayers,
Nemo

Choking

^"When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” ⁶ He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. ⁷ Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages^[a] to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” ⁸ Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, ⁹ “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” ¹⁰ Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). ¹¹ Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. ¹² When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” ¹³ So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten."  -- Luke 6:5-13

This was the gospel message read at Mass nearly 2 months ago. Since that day, I have had a sticky note on my dresser reading "Andrew was 'always introducing people to Jesus, like the little boy with the fish and bread.' What a great team Andrew & Jesus make; We have that opportunity as well." This was a small excerpt from the homily the priest gave that evening. I read it often, and meant to blog about it and really think about it, but obviously that hadn't happened yet.

I read it again this afternoon, right about the time my roommate was leaving for work. As she was walking out the door and saying bye, I started coughing and she yelled, "Catie, don't choke!" I know she literally meant don't choke on whatever it is making you cough right now. But because I had just read my sticky note about Andrew & Jesus, the comment took on a whole different meaning. 

Every single day, I (and by I, I mean we) have the opportunity, and the responsibility, to be introducing people to Jesus... and I've been choking on that a lot lately. It's hard to live a good, faithful life when you're constantly being surrounded by things that don't build up the Kingdom. I'm not saying I've murdered someone or completely walked away from my beliefs- my struggles have been in the little things- Being late to mass. Drinking too much. Judging people. Judging myself. Not trusting God's plan for my life. 

I'm not suggesting we start carrying around pictures of Jesus and asking random people if they know Him (but that reminds me of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzqTFNfeDnE). It's our job to introduce people to Him through our actions, and through love. Simple things like standing up for a friend or reaching out to someone in need. I know people say it all the time, but the little things really can make a difference in someone's day. I've learned that several times working at Disney- a whole day of frustration can be turned around by one guest's "Thank you" or "You really helped me today." 

I should be going to sleep now, because I work in the morning (I just saw the movie Pitch Perfect AGAIN (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siEHekc-1oE) and will be tired tomorrow. But even in my tiredness, I will strive to be Love to everyone I meet- even the annoying adolescents that don't listen to the rules; even the people who frustrate me because they don't speak English. Long story short, I will try harder to introduce people to Jesus everywhere I go. 

Peace & Prayers,

NEMO

Graduation!

Oh. My. Goodness.

It's going to take a couple posts to catch up on what I've been doing for the past month...

First thing's first- graduation:
The weekend before I actually walked, I went home specifically for dinner with these amazing people-

They are the best friends a girl could ask for. I've known them since junior high, and they've all been there for me through high school and college. It's been a long, winding road but we've stuck to each other. I can't wait to see what awesome things we all do in the future!


The actual ceremony:
The whole family was able to make it in for the event!

Jake flew in Wednesday night, and the others drove over from Houston on Thursday. We had a great dinner at Mike Anderson's and ate (and drank) way too much. After dinner, Clare talked me into decorating my cap...

everyone loved it! We had breakfast before the ceremony at IHOP (where else?) with some of my close friends. Such a blessing to get to see everyone one last time.

After the ceremony, we went back and packed up my entire apartment into 2 CR-Vs and a trailer... I'm still kind of surprised that everything fit. We headed to New Orleans for the night and had a great time there as well. Jake & Grandma flew back to Chicago Saturday, and I said goodbye to Baton Rouge as the rest of us drove home. Such a bittersweet moment! We were home all week and had my graduation party the following Saturday. It was nice to see some family and friends before I leave the state for several months! Clare decorated cupcakes with graduation caps and a cake with the eye of the tiger... pretty sweet!

Sunday, after cleaning up from the party, Clare, Mom & I got in the car and started our drive to Chicago. One of Mom's best friend's sons, Spc. Sam Watts, US Army, died from wounds sustained in an explosion in Afghanistan back in April. He was such a brave soldier, and spent his life the way he always wanted to- serving others. He went to work over there so we could all do our working and playing and living over here the way we please. His sacrifice will never be forgotten. 

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends"

John 15:13

The ceremony was, as Mom said, "beautifully awful". The circumstances of course couldn't have been worse- Sam was only 20 years old.  But the Army did everything they possibly could to make the ceremony as beautiful as possible. It was amazing to see how many people- servicemen and women, family, friends, and strangers- came to pay their respects to Sue & Tom and the family. The Patriot Guard stood outside the entire time with their flags and it made me cry just looking at them. The procession from the funeral home was amazing. 40 or 50 motorcycles led the casket, followed by the limo with the family and then Sam's brother Andy driving Sam's car. As we turned the corner from the church, all the kids in the elementary school were lining the street with their hands over their hearts. As we continued, we passed 2 more schools with kids outside, as well as random people stopping on their lawn or getting out of their cars. I cried the entire way. 

The day was emotionally rough on everyone. Following the wake, the funeral, and the next two days, we hung out with the Watts and friends as much as possible. These are families I grew up with, and hadn't spent much time with in the past 14 years. It was so great to be with them at this time. We even went bowling, which was a lot more fun than I thought it would be... even though most of us weren't that great :)

The week came and went very quickly. On Saturday, we dropped Clare at the airport to head out to Aunt Meg's in North Carolina to spend the summer watching our cousins Liam & Eddie. Mom & I started our drive home, which was long but not too bad... lots of time to talk about anything, everything, and nothing. 

When we finally got home, we had 3 1/2 days before we started another super long drive to Orlando... which is going to have to be another post for another day, because it's time for work :)

I promise I will update again SOON!

I hope everyone is having a marvelous summer, and staying out of the heat! 

Peace & Prayers,

Nemo 

Hey, stranger!

378 days.

That's how long it's been since I last blogged.

Pathetic.

I have so many things going through my mind all the time, this would have been a perfect outlet for everything. Clearly that didn't happen. To recap the past year, here's a quick list:

* Jamaica mission trip ended up being AMAZING... Once we got there, after being stuck in Miami for 4 days.

This is a picture of the Terrific 25 in Miami, with our legs dangling over the ocean!

* Just a few days after I got back from mission trip, Todd left for Catholic Heart Work Camp. He was gone all summer, travelling to different cities to serve in whatever way necessary.

* I spent the month of July in North Carolina with my aunt & uncle and their three boys. There was lots of swimming, Wii, race cars, Legos, and zoo & museum trips!

*Fall semester came and went by super fast! Filled with lots of fun things like my 21st birthday, 1 year anniversary, FOOTBALL SEASON!, and a 3.8 GPA! Of course there were lots of little blessings, muuuuuuch to many to name.

Last football season for all of us SENIORS!

Even if I tried, I couldn't think of everything that's happened in the past year. I feel like I've grown so much in my faith, my personal relationship, new friendships, my work experience, and even made a little progress on my future...

I hope to be able to blog more often. Even though I'm super busy now (I've calculated all my hours between 2 jobs, internship & class- 38 hours per week. Add in about 4 hours driving to and from all these places, and it's no wonder I'm always tired!), I want to spend more time reflecting on my college career as it comes to an end. All of my experiences here have been so wonderful; though some of them may not have seemed that way at the time, every little thing that happened has made me the person I am today.

HOPEFULLY I'll be back soon!

Peace & Prayers,

Nemo

God WILL provide

"If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, 'What are we to eat?' or 'What are we to drink?' or 'What are we to wear?' All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself" -Matthew 6:30-34

One of my dear brothers has inspired me to dive into the Gospels, reminding me that God speaks gently and softly, often in passages we've read a thousand times.

I've been using the phrase "God will provide" quite frequently the past few weeks. It's something I believe with all my heart, along with the fact that everything happens for a reason. Would you like to hear my most recent story of how God's been providing for me?

Christ the King is going on a foreign mission trip to Kingston, Jamaica this May. Since last summer, my heart has been burning to love and serve; that's it. That's all I want to do. So naturally, when I heard about the mission trip, I wanted desperately to go. After talking it over with my parents, they said that as long as I could pay for it, I could go. The only problem is that my bank account looks like this:

I know, sad story.

So I began my fervent job hunt (which I am currently still on). I have filled out countless applications- I'm past the point of being picky about not wanting to do certain things. At this point, I really just need the money! Anyways, I decided to go home a couple weeks ago to spend time with my wonderful parents (hi, mom!) and to get some things done. While I was there, I got a check from my grandmother. She had gotten me a very nice watch for Christmas that didn't work correctly, so I returned the watch and she just sent me the money to buy one I would like. When I learned how much a passport was going to cost me, I weighed the options and decided that a passport would be more worthwhile to me than an expensive new watch (not to mention that I still wear my watch from camp last summer, paintwar stains and all). Without that check, I would've already been in the whole before I even started paying for the trip. So needless to say, I got the passport. Step one: complete.

Now, there are a limited number of spots for this trip, as set by our priest and Missionaries of the Poor. That number is 25. As the spots were filling up, I was being notified so that I could make a decision about going on the trip before one was made for me. Since I got my passport the first weekend of February, I have still been looking for a job (Craigslist has almost as many visits as facebook...), and have still been unsuccessful as of yet. There was a meeting last night for all those wanting to go on the trip, and I couldn't attend because I had a night class (and test). When I came to Christ the King today, I was informed that there were only 6 spots left. As I was talking to Father Paul, 2 girls came in and turned in deposits; 4 spots. A few minutes later, another girl came in; 3. Then a male friend of mine came in and turned in his forms; 2 spots left. I had a decision to make.

I was nervous about the very real possibility of not being able to get a job to pay for the rest of the trip (an additional $250 after the $200 deposit). But I was confident that I had the money in my account to make the down payment. Why was I so confident? Because just this past weekend, God provided for me yet again. Friday night I celebrated Valentine's Day (for the first time!) at Texas de Brazil with my sweet boyfriend:

It was super awesome! And, if that weren't enough, we got to go to Arkansas that same night! LSU student government sponsors a bus trip to many of our away sporting events, and this year's men's basketball bus trip was to Fayetteville, Arkansas. Now normally I wouldn't have even bothered, as our team isn't doing so hot this year, buuuuut I have a wonderful sister who happens to be a Razorback!



It was SUCH a blessing to get to see Anne, even for a short while. The snow, Chick-fil-A, and sister time were much needed. I could've done without the 18+ hour round trip bus ride, but hey, it was bonding time for Todd and I, right...?..



Anyways, back to the point. When I got home Sunday night, I had lots of mail waiting for me. I opened up the first letter, and it was from "cousin Lavina" (in Grandma's handwriting). When I talked to my mom, she informed me that she was some distant relative of mine who used to send all her college nieces/nephews $100 for Valentine's Day. Apparently my great grandmother decided to continue this tradition, and I'm now reaping the benefits. But it gets better. I opened 3 more cards and accumulated fifty more dollars. What did that mean? I had 3/4 of my deposit for Jamaica, without even getting a job. Thank you, Jesus.



I understand that I still need to be employed somewhere so that I can 1. pay for the rest of the trip and 2. have money for next semester, but this is one of those things where you just have to say "clearly, for whatever reason, God wants me on this trip." I feel extremely blessed for this to be working out in my favor. My prayer now is that I will come across the right job, and soon, so that I can fulfill whatever this mission is that I'm being called to in Jamaica. Prayers from anyone/everyone else would be much appreciated!





Ok, I feel like this is just sliiiiightly longer than in probably needed to be, but that's okay. I'm currently sitting in Christ the King's office working for my lovely old roommate Elizabeth, and I have nothing better to do than pour out what's been occupying my mind- the wonder of God! Well, I probably could've been studying for my finance test on Tuesday, but honestly, do you really think I'll study for that before Monday night? How well do you know me....





Peace & Prayers,

Nemo

I'm a spaz...

It's been 5 months, almost to the day, since I've last blogged.. that's kind of ridiculous. I would apologize, but I don't think I've offended or upset anyone by not writing.


The reason I started this blog in the first place was to keep people updated on my experiences while I was at camp this past summer. When I only blogged once during those 6 weeks, I decided that I would keep up with posts about whatever was going on in my life. It would seem, since I haven't posted in so long, that nothing has been going on.


That is definitely not the case.



It is quite the opposite, in fact. The reason I have not posted is because I have been so busy with things like school, awakening, family, awakening, intramurals, home, awakening, awakening retreat weekend, boyfriend, finals, more family and friends, christmas, ohana reunion, new years, cotton bowl, classes starting, LCCS, and now awakening again.



Regardless, this is my vow to continue to update more regularly. There's lots of things that go on in my mind that I would love to share and hear your thoughts on (the thoughts of whoever actually reads this, how ever many people that may be).


Anyways, I should've gone to sleep about an hour and a half ago.

And with that, I'm leaving.
Goodnight!
Peace & Prayers,
Nemo




p.s. I just love this picture. I kind of want to live somewhere it snows when I get older. Or if not, at least visit pretty regularly. It's beautiful :)

Are You Ready...

... to go? for classes to start? for this conversation? to go to work? to eat? to graduate? for Christmas break to get here? to grow up? to see a movie? to fall in love? to get your heart broken? for something amazing to happen?

Unfortunately, my answers to these questions don't matter.

Well let me rephrase that. In most cases, regardless of whether I'm "ready" or not, these things are going to happen anyway. In other words, I always need to be "ready". But what does that mean? As I'm laying here writing this, I really have no idea what the answer to that question is. And I don't exactly know where this post is going..

I used to hear the words ready and willing together a lot. Are they interchangable? I'm beginning to think that they are. Or, at least, they should be, considering that me being ready isn't going to stop many things from happening. Me being willing, that's another story. Am I willing to go to work? Am I willing to get a job, to grow up, to fall in love? My answer should be YES. Attitude is a very big part of success (at least in my opinion). If I am more willing to accept the things that are coming my way, I will probably be happier when they do come. (I don't even know if this is making any sense. I'm kind of... venting right now.)

This summer while at camp, I really learned to do things I didn't want to/wasn't used to doing. The phrase I began to use, and my prayer, was that I "become comfortable outside of my comfort zone." I began to enjoy getting to know adults and holding conversations with them. I also started getting used to walking up to complete strangers, introducing myself, and building a relationship with them out of nothing. It became very enjoyable for me. In the past week being back at Christ the King, I have been presented with many more opportunities to do just that, meet people and start getting to know them. Instead of being afraid or dreading this responsibility, I have embraced it, become more willing to do it. Willing to meet people, willing to get to learn about them, willing to step out of my comfort zone.
And that has made all the difference.
So I do believe that I am ready to do lots of things that are being thrown my way. And if I'm not completely ready, as long as I'm willing, I will be able to do great things.



ps- sorry this is so scatterbrained.. it's the first week of school; there's been LOTS going on.
pps- I apologize for it being a ridiculously long time since I've updated. Camp was AMAZING, and I'm sure there will be lots of future posts about that :)

DEUS CARITAS EST

Two men have helped me make a very important discovery about my faith life in the past week. One of them I am very close to, the other I have never met personally.

This past Sunday was the 12th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The priest celebrating mass, who I have never met personally, started his homily explaining that "ordinary" didn't necessarily mean "plain". Having just recently celebrated Easter, the Solemnity of the Most Holy Body and Blood, The Solemnity of the Trinity, The Ascension, Pentecost... these next few weeks are going to seem "ordinary". But God can turn the ordinary into extraordinary. I've heard a talk on ordinary people doing extraordinary things before; I thought this was merely going to be another one of those. But he continued to relate it to the gospel, which was from chapter 9 of the book of Luke. The ending was this:

"Then he said to all, 'If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.' " -Luke 9:23-24

Take up his cross. Daily. It is every day that we are called to follow Christ. Not only when things seem hard and we need His help. Not only when we are praising Him for all the blessings we've been given, but every. single. day. These "ordinary" days, when we don't feel anything special, we are still called to follow Christ.

This is where my other revelation comes in. A few years ago, the theme of the Life Teen camp I went to was Deus Caritas Est. Love: More than a feeling. I was talking to a good friend of mine about camp the other day, and how excited I was to be going back. He said he missed camp, because of the atmosphere and the feeling he had when he was there. My response was "yeah, the atmosphere is great because it nurtures the good feelings. the hard part is leaving camp, when you don't have the atmosphere and sometimes you don't even have the feeling, but you still have to do whatever it is that God's calling you to do." I continued to explain that our relationship with God is based on faith, not a feeling. Even when we don't "feel" like He cares or when something is going badly, He's still there, loving us. Our faith is still present, even when the feeling is not.

The priest continued his homily about the choices we have to make daily, whether we "feel" like it or not, in order to grow closer to Christ. Deus Caritas Est is Latin for God is Love. Love, aka God, is more than a feeling. This was super encouraging to me, especially as I try to prepare myself for what the next 6 weeks at Covecrest have in store for me. God is blessing my life abundantly, and I know He is guiding me. Just because I don't necessarily feel His presence at every moment doesn't mean I'm not right where I'm supposed to be, with Him right there with me.

Please continue to pray for me, my fellow summer staffers, and all the teens we are going to come in contact with. I'll definitely be praying for all of you!

Peace & Prayers,

Nemo

I'm surprised I could keep this post relatively short :)

Be Satisfied

This is something I have heard before, multiple times. The most recent was at Buckeye Awakening in May (thanks, Katie!). I was going through my Tiger Awakening binder this morning and found it, and for some reason it really hit me. I guess I've been thinking a lot about my relationships with guys, and friends in general, and with Christ. I really am trying my best to focus on God in all aspects of my life, but I tend to stray a little bit sometimes. I think we all do.

Be Satisfied

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep soul relationship with another- to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But, to a Christian, God says no- not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone, discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of any other desires or longings.

So, I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, and one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best; please allow Me to give it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things; Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things that I promise and mean.

Be patient - that's all. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look at the things other people have gotten or that I have given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love more wonderful than anything you could ever dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready, and I am working at this very moment to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both exclusively satisfied with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your perfect relationship with Me - a perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly:

For I Am God.

A lot of my friends have their own blogs. One of them recently posted on the topic of love, and since God is Love, she asked if people who don't believe in/know God can really be "in love."

One person's response was: "Love is the most beautiful, rewarding, and self-sacrificial thing you can have with another person. With a connection like that, why does there have to be a middle man?" And in response to that, another person wrote: "I think that each person in the relationship is the middleman, the conduit through which God and the other person express their love for each other."

oh. my. gosh. This answer made so much sense to me, and made the whole "being satisfied in God" thing make more sense. I need to be completely content with my relationship with God before I can be in a relationship with someone else, because when I do enter into a relationship, that is me & God showing love to one another through this other person. God will be blessing me with someone to care for me physically and emotionally, and I in turn will be using the relationship to glorify Him and help build up His kingdom.

Sigh. I love this blog; writing my thoughts out and re-reading them is really helping me stay sane.

Peace & Prayers,

Nemo

Pushing Too Hard

While I was in Baton Rouge, I:

- noticed how aggressive a driver I am

- discovered how enjoyable driving with no music can be, but that when I did have the radio on, the same few songs were played over and over and OVER. *cough* Alejandro *cough*

- realized that my fear of 18 wheelers is not nonsense; I almost got in 2 accidents with them

- was introduced to geocashing, and will be bringing it to my friends in Houston soon

- had lovely impromptu photo shoots while walking around campus

- witnessed how funny and creative my friends are, both with their musical talents and their hilarious answers to Loaded Questions

- saw people who are beautiful and collected on the outside that are being torn apart on the inside

- talked seriously about my future, and all the worries and dreams I have for it

- had girl talk until 3 AM with a pretty amazing friend

- dreamed that I lived with 3 of my best friends, and then was proposed to

- discovered some repressed feelings about boys/family/people

- realized that I enjoy the feeling of being wanted

I mean that last point in the most un-vain way possible, even though I know it sounds bad. But when I got back in town, I had a lot of people tell me they were happy to see me and how excited they were that I was in for the weekend. That made me feel very loved. And I love that about my friends, how close we all are, and how much we enjoy spending time together. It was such a needed visit before I go away to camp in TEN DAYS :)

Speaking of camp, the other night my mother and I went shopping for some of the things I needed. In the car, we had a very unexpected heart to heart. Some of you who read this will know exactly who/what I'm about to talk about, and others won't, but that's okay. Every summer since I can remember, my home parish has held a week-long Junior High Day Camp (JHDC). I have been involved in it for years, as a junior high camper, a high school summer staff, or last year as a... I'm not exactly sure what, but I helped plan and run the week with two of my best friends. JHDC 2010 was held last week, and for the first time, I had no part in it. One of the two girls who helped me run it last year ran the whole thing this year... literally, in it's entirety. Our new youth minister was getting married, and without Missy (I just made up that nick name), there would have been no day camp this summer. I haven't gotten to talk t oher much about it, but from what my sister (on summer staff) and some of the middle schoolers have said, it was AMAZING. I kept hearing how God was moving in the teens, and all the jokes and skits and activities that I was missing. Now don't get me wrong, I was so happy that the week was going well, that all these kids were experiencing God, and proud of all that Missy was doing. I couldn't put my feelings into words though, until I was talking to mom. I was feeling left out, and a little bit jealous. Not of the fact that she was doing something that I wanted to do, but just that I wanted to be doing it with her. I love being a part of my church, volunteering, and spending time with the high school and middle schoolers. The fact that this whole camp was going on and I had absolutely no part in it made me sad at first, and then mad, and then I just didn't even care. I think the latter was the worst feeling. I started wondering if I could have done what Missy did, coordinating, organizing adn running the entire week so successfully. Because of her, a lot of those kids' lives were changed. Could that have been me? I was jealous of her accomplishment. I was being attacked by the devil, and didn't even realize it. He was using one of my best friends to make me question my strenghts and abilities and self-worth. Mom helped me realize that, in my own way, I had already done the things that Missy was doing. Not to undermine her accomplishments in any way; she did an amazing job with JHDC;. I'ts just that my past accomplishments were clouded by the action she was taking right then. I had forgotten that I have been leading retreats for 2 years now at LSU, and helped plan a very successful Tiger Awakening, and am in the process of Coordinating another one for the fall. I have given talks before, and lead activities with younger kids. I have been helping and loving people for as long as I can remember, and that's what Missy was doing that week, simply loving on those kids. It's exactly what they needed, and now that I think about it, probably something that she needed, too, as she prepares for her own mission this summer.

As most of you know, I'm getting ready to spend six weeks in the mountains of Georgia, ministering to EDGE and Life Teen students from across the nation at a Catholic camp called Covecrest. I couldn't be more excited. As of recently though, I've been getting very nervous. Our staff has been sending e-mails to each other, kind of "getting to know you" things. We've also been encouraging each other, and praying for each other. I promise you, that is what's making the difference in my attitude right now, why I'm standing confident in myself rather than cowering in fear and thinking I'm not good enough. These people believe in me, and most of them haven't even met me yet. I realized the reason I was questioning all these things that Missy was doing is because I had been nervous about camp. Will I say the right thing? Will I do the right thing? Will I be able to abandon my self-consciousness and do whatever it takes to help these teens become closer to Christ? That is what I want. That is what I hope to do. And with God and these other staffers, that is what I know will happen. My worries are trying to wear me down and make me doubt; I am actively choosing now to stop them. I have been chosen for this mission because I have been given the tools to be successful at it. I have been asked to be a part of this journey, to live in community with these other college students, and to serve these middle school and high school students to the best of my ability. I am not setting any expectations. I know people who have been on staff before, and people who are there right now; they've told me stories of how great everything is. I know our experience there will be amazing, too. By not setting expectations or standards, I am leaving room for God to work in all areas necessary to make this journey the most successful for me personally as well as for His Kingdom.

I don't even know if any of this makes sense. It's kind of all over, but that's where my thoughts have been the past few weeks in trying to prepare for camp both materially and spiritually. Please pray for me, my fellow summer staffers, and the campers, and be assured of my prayers for you! The reason I started this blog in the first place was to be able to share some of my experiences with whoever would like to read them, so I will try and update as much as possible once I get there.

Peace & Prayers,

Nemo

p.s. For any of you who have not heard of Covecrest, here are a few pictures:

This must have been taken in the morning, with the fog hovering over the pond

Down the aisle of the chapel

I absolutely love this crucifix

The famous mud pit; this is me & my good friend Kyle in 2008

What If?

I think I play the "what if?" game too much.

What if I'm studying the wrong thing in school? What if I still lived in Chicago? What if I wasn't Catholic? What if I didn't date the last guy that I did? What if I did date the last guy I was planning/wanting to? What if I had continued playing soccer instead of switching to basketball? What if I'm not called to be a mother? What if I'm a bad mother? What if I looked different? What if I weighed less? What if I had never met my best friends? What if I had tried harder to keep all the best friends I had in high school? What if I don't get a job after I graduate? What if I went to a different college? What if I get in a car accident tomorrow? I could go on forever... literally.

I was pondering some of these questions as I was driving around today with a five year old in the back seat. She was sleeping, and though she looked a little uncomfortable, she looked content. She trusted me as a driver, that I would make good decisions as I transported her from one place to another. She trusted me as a person, her babysitter, to keep her out of harm. She trusts me as a friend, someone to look up to.

I imagined myself sitting in the back seat of a car that God was driving. We were traveling down a road, the path of my life. In the rear view mirror were things from my past, birthdays and camps and lots of good memories. Out the window was my family, my friends, my school, my church: the present. As He drove, there were signs for things coming up in my life: Covecrest, Tiger Awakening 52, football season. There was a map in the passenger's seat. I couldn't see where we were going, but I was clearly along for the ride. I was the passenger in the back seat, completely trusting the One who was driving.

This metaphor has resonated with me, being content in the back seat while God takes control. He knows where I'm going, who I'm going to meet, and what I'm going to accomplish; these are things I don't know. And I need to be okay with that. I've always kind of known, but not really wanted to admit, that I'm a bit of a control freak. I like to know what's going on, who's doing what, and why. It's hard for me to completely trust that my life is going to work out according to plan. That is, His plan. The other thing that I struggle with is the fact that things aren't always going to go my way. I found that out last summer when I wasn't selected to be on Summer Staff at camp, this spring when someone didn't want to date me, and I'm 100% certain it will happen again in the future. I have to keep reminding myself that there are reasons for all of these things. They are the factors that are shaping me for things in the future, that I don't know about. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. This has always been my favorite saying.

If I had never moved to Houston, I probably wouldn't have gotten involved in Life Teen, gone to Covecrest, and met some pretty awesome people. I probably wouldn't be at LSU right now and completely in love with it. If I hadn't played basketball, I wouldn't have learned some of the lessons I did from my amazing coach or gotten to know my teammates... Everything happens for a reason. Each choice I make in life, or outcomes in situations I have no control over, happen because that's how God planned. Even though I may not be comfortable with it now, He is in control. Maybe one day I'll understand why I had to hurt so much. Maybe I won't. But I know that as I continue to grow and eventually get old, I will be the person I am because of all these little things that are happening to me now. I may continue to wonder "what if"..., but I will stop asking why, because I already know: HE IS IN CONTROL.

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future' " -Jeremiah 29:11

"So, how blessed are you?"

TEN REASONS YOU ARE RICH:

1. You didn't go to sleep hungry last night.

2. You can read.

3. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning.

4. You hardly broke a sweat today.

5. You didn't spend a minute in fear.

6. You have access to clean drinking water.

7. You have access to medical care.

8. You have access to the Internet.

9. You have the right to vote.

10. You didn't go to sleep outside last night.

As a lot of you know, every time I pray the traditional prayer before a meal, I add in "God bless the cooks and those that go without" at the end. Well today, I met some of those people. I had the opportunity to volunteer at a community kitchen in down town Houston, called Loaved and Fishes (Matt. 14:13-21). Myself, my sister, and a few neighbors took showers this morning, picked our outfits from a closet full of clothes, and drove down town to serve people who consider themselves blessed just to have woken up alive and unharmed this morning. We got to participate in mass with them before lunch, and that really opened my eyes. When we said "I confess to Almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters..." I looked around and realized that these people, too, are my brothers and sisters in Christ. I know the Body of Christ includes everyone, but I had never been in a situation where I really saw a lot of variety in the type of people sitting at mass together. There were several people who didn't know the words to the prayers or couldn't read the missal, but they were still there. When it came time for the Our Father, every single person in the room grabbed someone else's hand; it was beautiful. It didn't matter that some of these people were clean and others hadn't showered in days, or that some had manicured hands while others had dry skin and cuts. At the sign of peace, everyone was shaking hands, wishing each other the best. And after Holy Communion, EVERYONE was praying. I spent a lot of this time observing the people around me. The room we were in had about 8 picnic tables with benches on both sides, and 20ish chairs in the center. There were quite a few people in there, sitting, standing, and sleeping. But everyone was praying. I thought about how strong my faith would be, if I had nothing like these people did. It could go one of two ways: I would either be mad at God for my circumstances and wouldn't have a faith life at all, or I would be close to God because that would be the only constant in my life. I would like to hope it would be the second. These people didn't know where they would sleep tonight, but they knew that God was there for them. That was amazing.

After mass, we had lunch. Those that attended mass were served first, before the doors were opened for more people to come in from outside. We were serving them chili cheese hotdogs, rice and beans, and cake. It was actually a pretty good meal. When all of the people had gone back outside (into the 95 degree heat), we were sitting down eating and the man who runs the place, Billy, came and sat by us. He talked for a little bit, and then looked at my sister and I and asked, "So, how blessed are you?" My sister responded "very" and I couldn't even get a word out. I just started thinking. At first, I thought about the last meal I ate in a cafeteria line like the one we had just served, which was probably in middle school. Then I thought about the food that I was served at school, and at home, like what I had for breakfast. The fact that I had a choice in what I got to eat was huge, realizing that these people didn't. What if they were allergic? What if they just didn't like it? I started to think that that probably didn't matter very much to them, that they were grateful for whatever they were given. I wish I could be more like that. I take so many things that I have for granted; I complain about being hungry more than once a day, but I have really never even been close to starving. I complain about having nothing to wear, when my closet is literally overflowing with clothes. I feel that I have too much. I have been meaning to clean out my closet and take the stuff over to BCAM, but I think I might just take it back to Loaves & Fishes next Sunday and give it to the people myself. These people's spirits were more optimistic than mine are sometimes, these people who have nothing. I guess they figure the only place they can go now is up, since they're already at the bottom.

I wish I could say that I'll never again complain of hunger or discomfort or tough times, but I know that's not true. I already told my mom tonight that I was hungry and wanted dinner. But these people will ALWAYS be in my prayers. I'm trying to think of more concrete ways to help them, too. I know I can't reach out to every single poor person. I often think about that when I watch movies like the Blind Side. If everyone got a chance like Michael Ohr, how different would the world be? While I can't adopt them or pay for them to go to college, I want to find a way to feed them, cloth them, and get to know them. They are people, too. Christ loves them, and I want to learn to love them, too.

"Then the king will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.' Then the righteous will answer him and say, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?' And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.' "

-Matthew 25:34-40

TIME

Lately I've been bombarded with songs, Bible verses, conversations, and TV shows that all have to do with time.

"time is all you have"

"your time is almost up"

"time is money"

"I just need more time"

The thing is, we don't control time. We don't know how much time we have left on this earth, only God knows. God is TIMELESS. That means that He doesn't comply with the same time line that we make for ourselves. I may say I want to be married in a year. If that is in God's plan for me, I might be married in a year (not that that's a true wish of mine). But what's more important to God is me being ready for marriage, and for my future spouse to be ready as well. Only then will we be introduced and take the necessary steps to get to the point of marriage.

I am not a very patient person. Sometimes (okay, several times) I get frustrated when things don't happen the way I want them to, or exactly when I want them to. God knows what's best for me, and He is working in His own way to mold me into the person He has created me to be. I pray that He helps me be more patient, more understanding, less jealous, less judgemental; I want other people to be able to see HIM in me, for them to know that I am doing HIS work, spreading HIS love. That is what I'm striving for. And by striving, I mean I'm taking baby steps. I feel like my mindset has become "when I get older, I want to be like that." What I'm beginning to realize is that i am older now. There is no time like the present to start doing the things I want to do, to start changing my actions and lifestyle to better portray the things I want it to. Some of the song lyrics I've heard are these:

"My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day

and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past,

donate every dime you have?

If today was your last day

...

If today was your last day

Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?

You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars

Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes

cause you can't rewind a moment in this life

Let nothing stand in your way

Cause the hands of time are never on your side"

-if today was your last day, nickelback

"I asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end

how's it hit ya when you get that kind of news?

Man what did you do?

He said

I went skydiving

I went Rocky Mountain climbing

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu

And I loved deeper

And I spoke sweeter

And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying

And he said some day I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dyin'

He said I was finally the husband, that most the time I wasn't

And I became a friend, a frind would like to have

And all of a sudden goin' fishin, wasn't such an imposition

And I went three times that year I lost my dad

Well I finally read the good book, and I took a good long hard look

At what I'd do if I could do it all again"

-live like you were dying, tim mcgraw

"Our hearts are hungry for food that won't come

And we could make a feast from these crumbs

And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun

So if your life flashed before you, what do you wish you would've done?

Yeah we gotta start lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given

if this is all we got, then we gotta start thinkin'

if every second counts on a clock that's tickin'

gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to

turn it all around or throw it all away

we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we've got the chance to say

gotta live like we're dying"

- live like we're dying, kris allen

I don't know about you, but lyrics like that really make me think about the way I've been living my life. I say goodbye to people every time I leave a room, because I never know when/if I'll see them again. I push myself to do certain things as soon as possible, because I may not have time to do it later. But what about my prayer life? I seem to be doing the opposite. I think "oh, I can pray after I watch this show" and then I forget, or "I'll pray before I go to bed" and sometimes I just fall asleep. I've been told a million times that I need to be careful of my words and actions, because that may be people's last impressions of me. I don't know why that's just now sinking in. Hopefully I will start procrastinating less and being more effecient with my time.

Now off to clean my room, which I have been meaning to do for about a week now...

p.s. sorry this seems so long. I've got lots of thoughts going around in my head right now. I think I shall try to start blogging more often, esp some old journal reflections that I think should be shared. Peace & Prayers to all! :)

Here I Am...

I've succumbed to peer pressure once again. The same two friends who made me get a Twitter account have now got me interetested in blogging.

We'll see how it goes.

I'm mainly starting this because I'll be working at camp this summer, and that experience is sure to be worth writing about and sharing. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me, the people I'm staffing with, and the hundreds of campers who will experience Christ. I can only hope to be one way they experience His love and generosity in their lives. One of the greatest desires of my heart is to make sure everyone knows they are loved. Whether they acknowledge it, reject it, or are indifferent, I don't want to have to say that I didn't try to show them. In the way I talk, act, and think, I am consciously aware of how others are perceiving me. I am trying to my hardest to live in such a way that the Love of God shines through me. I know I'm far from succeeding at this goal, but it's what I'm working towards.

God is doing some big things in me and through me. This blog will be my attempt at sharing those experiences with anyone who cares to read about them. Hopefully I won't be too boring.

It is now time for me to go experience Love in the purest form, the precious gift of the Eucharist. See y'all there.

Peace & Prayers,

Nemo